It’s been a tough couple of weeks for my relationship.
The Boy and I have come to that point where we either go forward together and make a future…or kiss it goodbye now and spend a long time thinking about but it could have been.
There have been problems. We have had issues. Not everything is perfect, and the easiest thing would have been to walk away. We have a long and complex history…& it seems that history can be a bitch.
I have done things that confuse him. He’s done things that make me see red. There was no cheating, no violence; nothing huge like that. But I really did think it was over. I had done all the trying I thought I could do – there’s only so much communicating you can do with a wall. I had convinced myself that it was time to walk…that I would be better off alone. I couldn’t see why we were together anymore.
And then, The Boy reminded me.
To start with, it was apologies. It was explanations. Then it was the little things he does that made me realise I don’t want him to go. I don’t just mean things like the flowers, although they were gorgeous. Beautiful in fact. But he knows better than to think that flowers would make me any less stubborn, or any more forgetful. So no, it wasn’t the flowers.
It was his patience. The total commitment he suddenly showed to making us work. The quiet determination. It was the way that he let me have my say, let me shout, let me tell him how much things had hurt…yet never raised his voice. He didn’t bombard me with texts, or calls…just let me know how sorry he felt. It was the way that for the first time, he didn’t just tell me he loved me. He showed me. He made me see that right now, life without him wouldn’t be as good as life with him could be.
So it looks like we might just have a future together.
I’m not saying that we just made up and that everything is perfect. Far from it. I haven’t just stopped being impatient overnight. He won’t just know how to be more considerate in a week. I appreciate that living with someone who has chronic pain isn’t easy. He’s learning that he can’t always make it better.
But both of us now realise that we have something worth fighting for.
I think it’s easy to forget what you love about someone when there are so many other things happening in life that distract you. Maybe you just need to step away from the situation to gain perspective. Give it a little space to breathe.
To be honest…I’m not sure if we’re going to live happily ever after. This isn’t a fairytale. There are no guarantees that we’ll suddenly find all the answers. But I know that I am ready to ask questions.
We love each other.
That has to be enough for now.
As for the rest of our lives?
We’ll wait and see.