There has been a post, entitled LOVE, sitting in the drafts of Love London for a year now. It’s something that I’d been meaning to finish for some time. So this morning, I went in and re-read it, and then hit delete. Immediately. Because it was utter nonsense. Pitiful, driveling nonsense.
I have learnt an awful lot about love in the last year. And it was about time. I’ve spent the last 20 or so years trying, and mainly failing, to get the “love” thing right. But then, when I stopped trying so hard to find it, things suddenly started to make sense.
When I focused my attention elsewhere (on being the best possible parent I could be), I realised I’d been surrounded by love all along. That the “love” I was looking for was over-romanticised, unrealistic, and often harmful. I opened my heart and saw that I was shown love, real love, from friends, and family, on a daily basis. When I stopped looking so hard in the wrong places, I began to appreciate what it feels like to *really* be loved, for the person you are, faults, flaws, foibles and all. I learnt what it’s like to not be afraid of doing something wrong and having “love” leave. I experienced the best kind of love in the world when I became a Mum – and realised it’s my absolute responsibility to raise a strong, wonderful child who knows what love is, and what it isn’t. And how it looks and feels.
I wish I could go back in time and explain this all to my younger self – it might have saved me a lot of hurt. But while that isn’t possible, I can share it here, as a reminder to myself. And you – if you ever need it.
– Love is not a destination one arrives at overnight & then stays at forever. Love is a winding journey that involves two people choosing to walk the same path.
– Love is not easy. But love is complex & beautiful & the results should be worth the effort.
– Love is not “don’t ever leave”. Love is “Go, have fun, I’ll miss you, I know you’ll come home”.
– Love is not a constant battlefield that leaves you with wounds that never heal. Love is consistency, and calm, and a safe place to hide.
– Love is not “promise me, tell me, reassure me”. Love is “I believe you, I know”.
– Love is not “You are beautiful with your hair like that”. Love is “You are beautiful”.
– Love is not control. Love is freedom.
– Love is not about the big moments. Love is noticing the little things you hadn’t even noticed yourself.
– Love is not black & white. Love is colourblind.
– Love is not gifts to say sorry. Love is, just because.
– Love is not dishonest. Love is truth – even if it hurts sometimes.
– Love is not riding the wave of achievements. Love is – “I believe in you. I will lift you up when things aren’t going your way”.
– Love is not criticism, or anger, or pain. Love is contentment. Peaceful, lovely contentment.
– Love is not something to change for. Love is your best friend, plus.
– Love is not crying alone in your bedroom. Love is the best ever belly laughs.
– Love is not murky, or muddy, or unclear. Love is vivid and bright and see-through.
– Love is not “be my everything”. Love is “let me be me, and you be you, and us be better, together”.
– Love is not heavy. It doesn’t hold you down. Love encourages you to spread your wings and helps you to soar.
– Love is not “GIVE ME MORE”. Love is, “You are enough.”
– Love does not make you miserable or unhappy. Love is joy from the heart.
– Love is not always wanting the best of someone. Love is wanting the best FOR someone.
– Love is not perfect, nor is it an expectation of perfection. Love is acceptance, and hope, and faith.
Love is…not always where you are looking for it, or what you expected, or a thunderbolt from the sky. Love can be slow, and easy, and creep up on you, slowly.
Love is, lovely.
We all deserved to be loved, without condition. Don’t ever let anyone make you believe otherwise. Please.