The corners of my mind…

You may think you are having a really, really bad day.

You might be really, really scared of Spiders.

You may think there’s absolutely no way you can ever get that job; pass that exam; get over that break up.

You may think the pain you’re feeling will never stop.

That’s your mind talking that is. Say hello to it…and then ignore it. Minds very rarely have any real contact with the real world, you see. They’re cheeky little buggers who talk nonsense.

In fact, it’s safe to say…minds have a mind of their own.

I’m not saying its all made up – absolutely not. In fact, all of these things are probably true…in this instant. And why? Because your mind is making you believe they are.

Bear with me…I’m getting somewhere with this I promise.

If you wake up in the morning, look out of the window and see greyness and rain, or realise you missed the alarm, it will probably put you in a bad mood. You’ll probably take less care getting ready, maybe forget something important. You’ll be stressing about it…and maybe mess up a really important meeting. You’ll snap at someone. You’ll have a really bad day.

However…if you wake up in the morning and look out of the window and see sunshine…or get a text saying “I love you” from someone you love back, chances off your day will start well. You’ll leave the house with a smile on your face…and probably come back with one too.

Of course, things might happen to change your mindset, for the better or for the worse. But there are ways you can stop the bad things from bringing you down. Really – there is.

I’m coming to learn just how powerful the mind is. Things that I thought were mumbo-jumbo in the past are being proven to me everyday…and I promise you, if I can make sense of it and put it into practise, anyone can.

My pain is constant. It has been constant for 6 years. I have been told by one Dr to “hope for the best” as he has no surgical way of healing me. But I’m not the type of person to believe that’s the best I can do. So I ask questions. I read books. I listen, and I try.

I’ve spoken about my trauma therapist before. She rocks. She knows that there’s no point talking down to me, no point trying to push me in a direction I don’t really want to go. So she explains things in a way I can relate to. And it seems to be working.

It starts with little things.

Instead of thinking I can’t…think I might be able to. Then…instead of thinking I might be able to, think sod it, I can.

Instead of thinking I’ll never get better….think, one day I might. And if there’s hope that I might, then I might as well go the whole hog and believe I will, right?

On bad days, I always thought that I may as well be miserable because I was feeling bad. But now, with a few little thought changes, I am learning to think myself happier, because when you’re happier, you feel better, and the bad days become better days a whole lot quicker.

Making sense yet?!

You see, what we believe, what we think, changes the way we feel. So if we make tiny shifts in our belief systems, if we take baby steps into changing our thought patterns, the way we feel can radically improve.

Take the case of a very good friend of mine. She met a man. She hadn’t had a boyfriend for a while, and they fell in love. It was good for a couple of months…then it was very, very bad for a lot more. It ended. She believes she will never fall in love again. She is very sad, very lonely, and obviously those qualities aren’t encouraging anyone new to jump in to join the moody party.

If she could make a couple of changes to her thought processes and seek out the positives, her whole outlook, and consequently whole life, could change. If she could focus on the fact that she met that particular guy when she had been single for a while, she might see that she will be able to meet another guy. If she can remember that it was bad for a while, instead of only remembering the good bits, she might see she’s better off out of it, rather than pining for something that’s gone. If she can focus on the amazing friends, family, job, houses (yes, plural) and life she has now, she may be able to shift her persona back into that happy, fun person that attracted that guy in the first place. If she focused on the fact he’s now cheating on the new girl he’s with…she may thank her lucky stars, put on that sexy little leather skirt she pulls off so well and get out to meet a man who will adore her, not treat her like crap and leave her miserable over “what might have been”.

The power of the mind is an amazing thing. Just simple little thought changes can make a whole world of difference. Focusing on the GOOD things rather than the BAD things will lead to a whole lot of hope and happiness.

This is something I’m really, trying to do every day now. OK, so I can’t have surgery to fix my pain…but there are exercises I can do that may help if  persevere. Instead of being angry that there’s no quick fix, this fills me with positivity and purpose.

OK, so I face battles everyday with bailiffs, government bureaus, pain, Doctors not turning up to appointments. Understanding that these are reasonable things to get a little upset about, writing a letter of explanation and keeping calm…rather than beating myself up & driving myself into a series of stressful thoughts and panic…makes it all a whole lot easier to deal with.

I have read up on a whole load of mind over matter clinical case studies recently. It makes interesting and sometimes shocking reading…and proves just how influencial our minds can be when it comes to the way we’re feeling. I read NLP, Tao and Zen books for inspiration. I talk to people who fill me with hope rather than surrounding me with problems and misery.

When you take control of our thought processes, you start taking control of your life.

I’m no expert at it. I am still learning. It’s by no means making my pain disappear…but I’m happy with the little differences it’s making.

Baby steps.

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  • Great post! I am reading Richard O Connor’s Happiness right now, which is all about how we can use our own thoughts to make sense of what happens when we are upset – where those thoughts come from and how thinking positively can make such a massive difference – writing down things you are grateful, focusing on three good things that have happened that day, three things you are looking forward to the next week, etc.. He talks a lot about ‘mindfulness’ which is a Buddhist practice of being aware of your thoughts and why you have them, and also recommends meditation. It’s a really interesting read so far, so if you are interested in that area, I definitely think it’s worth a go!

  • As usual, your posts come at the most amazing times little lady! Honestly I do mean it when I say you inspire me in more ways than you think. I imagine you do that for a lot of people. I hope you keep seeing the good through the bad… I don’t know how you do it… but if I understood it, then you wouldn’t be inspiring now would you?

  • This is spot on and I agree 100%.

    I used to be the ultimate cynic about everything, but a while ago, I employed this way of what I call ‘thinking things into existence’ and it has worked wonders. If I think I’m going to have a shitty day, I will. If I want it to be good, just think it will be and it is. Pretty simple! And it makes the world of difference.

    Hang in there sweetie. You are an inspiration and I have no doubt that your outlook will help not only yourself, but those around you.

    All the best.
    xx

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