I sometimes wonder how I would dress myself if money was no object.
So I have decided to dedicate this post to the female me. Let’s call her Charlotte.
I would be 5’11 and size 2 (US).
This is a fact.
I would be one of those career girls, working in a fashion magazine in NYC. In my early 20’s I did some modeling and met my handsome South African husband on a photo shoot. He curled my eyelashes, I curled his toes. We now live in The Meatpacking district and have two gorgeous Labradors, Cookie and Cream.
I am a Style Editor for a global fashion magazine, I work hard and long hours, but it does come with a major perk. I get sent so many samples, that I don’t know often quite what to do with them.
We recently bought the apartment next to ours, so we could extend. He was getting annoyed about all the heels being stored all over the house. I think he final straw came when he found his prized collection of watches moved to the bathroom…Ooops. Not enough room!
Bottega Veneta, Halston and Donna Karan are my wardrobe essentials.
Shoes come mostly from Christian Louboutin and bags are sent over by designers. Basically I am living the dream. Deal with it.
This is what my average outfit would be like, on a warm fall day…you know the type. Leaves are starting to fall, but it’s still quite warm in the sun.
Givency calf hair ankle boots £735
Since I am already obsessed about women’s shoes, I don’t think it would be any better if I actually was a girl! So, I would most likely spend all my available cash (and then some) on expensive shoes. These calf hair ones are driving me nuts right now. Seriously. Can you imagine stroking these babies?
Who needs a cat when you can buy boots? Plus these wont shit on the carpet and cough up fur balls. Which is like the most revolting thing I know (after stone washed jeans, obviously). I adore the little strap and the shape of these are ridiculous. There is no way these are comfortable, but as we all know, crunched toes are pretty toes! Plus I have just realized that I don’t even know what “calf” is. I am hoping it is not cat.
Premium Neoprene trousers £45
I would be really tall and thin. Oh, not just thin, but toned. I would have better legs than VB, and I would wrap them in something dark and tight.
Kinda what I do now really. Most of my jeans are really leggings that I painted to look like jeans. He keeps commenting on the tightness of them, don’t know if it is because I look ridiculous or because he doesn’t like other men staring at the buns. Go figure. Maybe I oughta ask him? Nah.
So these trousers, loves them. Why called premium tho? Doesn’t compute. Maybe there is like gold leaf sewn into the seams? Who knows?
I guess its really not THAT important. 45quid. Bargain. See, I would like to mix designers and high street, even if I was a girl.
Urban Outfitters, Pins & Needles Bead Bow Top £48
I think I would be quite girly, like a proper girly girl. So I wouldn’t go all “fierce”, but instead soften up the tough boots and pants with something feminine. Think bows and semi-sheer gorgeousness. There is something about bows. Makes me all warm inside, or perhaps that’s the cheap Cava that I am drinking from a mug.
There could be 1001 reasons why I feel warm actually. UGH! But this bow is def one of them. So there.
PS: I would be WAY hotter than this girl.
Vince, Boyfriend Blazer £390
I would ROCK the boyfriend blazer. Although I don’t quite understand why it is called a BF Blazer, as surely it should just be called oversized? Confused.com.
Whatever it is called, I would work it. Walk walk fashion baby. Hmm, this outfit is turning out very monochrome again. What is it with me and b&w outfits. Very boring. I guess it’s because anyone can wear black and white. Allthou I never said I would cater for everyone. I may know fashion, but I cant perform miracles.
AND, they have clearly styled the plastic doll as V.B. Good work, brownsfashionpeople.
Anyway. Shall mix it up with some fabulous accessories. There is nothing else to it. Seriously.
Marc by Marc Jacobs, Franny Animal Print PVC tote
PVC bags? Who decided that they were a good idea?
I DID! Like the best idea ever. You can spill all you want in your bag and then simply wipe it down with a baby wipe. Brilliant. The bottoms of my bags always look like there has been a small nuclear explosion in them. Broken pens, tissues, book, smokes, 42 lighters all in different stages of their lives, sweets (for sugar low emergencies), fine knit sweater from Zara, few pairs of sunglasses, USB lead, charger for ipod and Blackberry, wallet, keys, spare keys, spare keys for few friends, passport etc (you get the point right?)
Where was I going with this? Oh yes. So, when I now spill something in my bag, not only is everything sticky and yuck, but I have to also wash the bag. My leather YSL bag does not like being washed. With this bag tho, I could just flip it upside down, throw everything sticky out the cab door, pick up a baby wipe (not sure why I carry baby wipes) and wipe the bag clean. Brilliant.
Bracelet by Angie Gooderham £26,95 (and I want two)
ANGIE! Who are you and where have you been hiding all my life? Just spotted her stuff, very excited. This bracelet is lush.
I want two of them, and no watch is needed as I have some minion running after me to tell me what time it is if I need to know. I think I wouldn’t be very nice to my assistant. Devil wears YSL. (Prada not so much). I would make him (yes, I would have a gay assistant as no one can multitask like a fashion devoted gay man) find me albino elephants and such. See how often I could make him cry in a day. Oooh, the fun I would have torturing my assistant.
Please send your CV to me, if you would like to be considered for this role.
Christys Melton Wool Newsboy Cap £18,00
I think I would have flowing “Victoria Secret” hair. Down to the middle of my back. I would be one of those girls with “shampoo commercial hair”, but all real and not from a four year old Indian girls scalp. I would most often wear my hair down or in a high ponytail, just to show it off to its full effect and to annoy my co-workers. I have the best hair in the office.
Hell, I have the best hair on Manhattan. Deal with it.
On this particular day thou, I have decided to wear a newsboy cap. I think I may have been out the night before at some underground club opening, hanging of the arms of my husband while he is desperately trying to keep me from falling down as have chosen six inch heel + Tequila. Every now and then, he lets me slip to amuse himself. Anyway, the cap is hiding all sorts of sins. I must find sunglasses. Aviators from www.ray-ban.com.
Right, I think that enough for Charlotte on an average work day. I’m looking forward to dressing her up for some fabulous party, where she will be of course acting very lady-like (fast forward her hailing a cab on 5th Avenue with one shoe missing and somebody else bag…please god let it be PVC).
I am off to the very exotic Finland this weekend, but dear not, there will be posts next week as I am just that organized.
Laters, Msalonen (http://twitter.com/msalonen) x